This past Thursday I went in for my weekly ultrasound to check on the babies. Unfortunately at this ultrasound we got bad news. Both of our little babies heart's had stopped beating. We lost both babies.
I was given two options: 1.) Let nature take its course or 2.) Go ahead and have a surgical procedure called a D&E to have everything removed.
I chose to have the surgery and had it done the next day, Friday. Two reasons why I chose to have the surgery. It would be less painful, physically for me and we would be able to have everything tested to see if there was a genetic reason for this loss.
We are devastated. This is now our third loss, and each one, only gets harder. However, I do have to say, Both T and I have been handling this much better than we expected. It's not easy, but we are hopeful that maybe these two beautiful children of ours will be able to help give us answers and only help us to one day bring home a child to raise and love.
For now, we have no idea what our plan is. Right now, we have decided to take a break until further notice from pursuing our dreams of becoming parents. We want to take this time to find each other again and to reconnect. We want to be able to enjoy the Holiday's with our families. And for now, this is all we know.
We have appreciated all of your love, your support, and your prayers. We know the prayers have been answered. These children we were blessed with for such a short time were always God's children. So we know they are in His loving arms, and, sometimes I just think that has got to be such a wonderful thing. I know they are loved and being taken care of.
I know so many of you have invested in our journey and have followed us from the beginning of this year. And I hope I've been able to help someone in someway through this journey. For now, we don't know what the future will bring, but we do know that God is with us, carrying us through. And we know we still have all your love an support and really, we are so grateful.
I'm not sure what will happen to this blog, I'm not sure if we will share when we decide to try again. I'm not sure where we go from here. But T and I are in this together with God guiding us through.
Again, thank you all so much. We love you all.