Where we are.

So, it's been a difficult few weeks, but, we've been surviving. Some days are better than others, and each day we heal a little more. Since my last post I've had the surgery, we have gotten the results of the chromosome testing, and we have had our follow up with our RE.

1.) Surgery went well. Nothing to complain about and healing well.

2.) The chromosome testing of our babies came back normal. This result made the loss even more difficult to take and understand. Of course, I'll be honest, I blame my body. Please, understand the statement. I know I did nothing wrong, I know there was nothing I did to cause the loss, but, I do feel as though my body had failed our children. And I know that may not necessarily have been the case, even though the testing came back normal, there still could have been an issue with the babies that we won't ever know about.

3.) Our follow up didn't leave me feeling confident. There were no answers. There was talk about when we would try again, if we would try again, how the protocol would change if we tried again, what other tests can be done, and testing the remaining embryos we have through a test called PGS, Preimplantation Genetic Screening. Our embryos would have to be thawed, a small part of the embryo would than be biopsied, that biopsie would be sent out for the testing, the embryos would be re-frozen, and the results would be sent back to the RE, and then, when we are ready to try another transfer, we would have an embryo thawed again. It's a lot to understand and take in, and a situation I would hope none of my friends or anyone I know would have to be in. But this is where we are at. And there is a chance that none of the remaining embryos would be chromosomely right to be put back in, (meaning that the embryo would not survive), and there is a chance that even a chromosomely healthy embryo would not survive. And this process decreases my chances from 60% of becoming pregnant to a 45% chance of becoming pregnant, because of the process of thawing, re-freezing, and thawing again.

There's a lot we have to talk about, a lot to take in, but I just wanted to give you a small update. And like in my previous post, both T and I have made the decision to not tell anyone when we make the decision to try again. It's just so much to share such good news, only to have to take it back a few days later.

I hope one day, the next time we share exciting news, it will be the one that sticks around, it will be about our take home baby.

Thank you everyone for your support though out the year, and your prayers. They have all been very welcomed and appreciated.