Thursday, April 26, 2012

A Husband's Perspective - Part 1

I asked my husband if he wouldn't mind sharing his point of view for you while we are still in NIAW. Today is Day 5 and here is his first part of his story. He'd like to do a post every so often to help you all understand what infertility is like from this perspective.

A husband's perspective:

What do I think about all this? Do I fill all of my time up with work? Volleyball? Softball? Computers? Rooting my phone? Watching Movies? Listening to music? I would much prefer to do all of this first prior to dealing with infertility. Running away from the problem sounds great. A lot of people just run away from their problems, why can't I do it too? What is the point of even trying to deal with. I would rather give up. Most people do give up when faced with this disease. Some because of finances, and they just can not afford to go on or try another possible solution to the problem. Some because they just decided that they can not live with this problem and it splits up a couple. I know of one such couple that this disease tore them apart and now they are no longer married because they could just no longer deal with this problem mentally. Now maybe it was the best thing for them not to be together anymore, but that is not for me to judge or determine. The fact that people could run out of money when faced with this disease just to try to have a child makes me sick to my stomach. Insurance covers preventing pregnancy but we can cover getting pregnant? The fact that treatment costs so much is ridiculous. When crazy folks that are smoking and drinking while walking down the street pregnant are aloud to have children, then those that have difficulty having children should be covered to have coverage to help. And while I am rambling on that subject, really how are these people able to have no problem in getting pregnant but me and my wife have lots of problems? Also I do not like that show teen moms on MTV. Can't stand that daysie wastes DVR space for that show... anyway I digress.

So my perspective, I believe that God has put this issue in our marriage to help strengthen it, I believe that we are and will continue to grow closer together as we deal with this mental roller coaster of a disease. My goals so far have been to do the complete opposite of everything above. My goals are to work hard at being a part of this process, to learn about it, to be with my wife through this all, and to not run away. I would like to be with my wife, and after the last few months I feel as though that we are moving closer together. Yes I am still learning and I am not perfect, and I will continue to make mistakes but I am trying my best to make this work. I am in this for the long haul. I believe that we can help others as well as we go through this process and to help others in the future as they go through it, as they have helped us. With Financial help, finding and donating fertility drugs, helping by even providing a car ride to the doctors office, whatever we can do to give back to those and others in the community that have given so much already to us.

So What is God teaching me through all this? What am I going to take away from this? I honestly have no idea. But I do know that God has a reason, what that is, I have no idea. And I have no idea when I am going to learn about it. The only thing I can do is to continue to pray and be patient. Do I think that IVF is going to work? I have faith that God will provide in whatever He decides that He would like to do with both my life and my wife's life. This is only the beginning of this chapter in our lives. Whats next only God knows and He knows that I am listening patiently. I just need to continue to rely on Him. This is it for now, but don't worry I will weigh in from time to time with how I am doing and with what perspective. Until the next time.... God Bless.


  1. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

  2. I love when blogs I follow have guest posts. Thank you for sharing from a husbands perspective because while we know our husbands are supportive and worrying about our emotions sometimes I forget to ask how he is dealing with all of this.

  3. i am in tears reading this!!! how touching and amazing!

  4. It Angers me to that women (like my mother) were busy doing coke and drinking and smoking while she was pregnant with me and once I was born was everything short of a good human being and yet my aunt and uncle can not have children, I asked them one day why is that fair they are amazing people(just like you two) and would make amazing parents...My aunt calmly said there is a plan for everyone this was two years after I had moved in because my mother beat me to a point of being in intensive care. I'm not saying this is his plan for you but I would not be anywhere close to happy with the person I am if I didn't have them in my life and my Aunt says to this day I was able to eventually be a mother I was a mother to you. It still breaks my heart that murderers and rapists can procreate like it's nothing and two INSANELY amazing people with a great marriage have the problems they do, know that you are always in my prayers I love you two to death.